it's the start of a brand new day, first month of the year. mama seems cheerful enough today. infact, overly so. but cheeriness is contagious so it isn't surprising that some of it should rub off me. i guess it's more of a feeling of peace. not so much the joy of delirious happiness that comes from exciting life events. but just peace and serenity... a spell that threatens to be broken by any bugging matters lurking in the corners.
i don't have much work to get done. only have to go over exam questions (for the department)and go thru some files which i can't possibly be expected to digest in one day...and that's about it.. i know that alot more is expected of me but i shouldn't stress myself over trivial matters concerning the opinion of others.
ooohhh.. the sky looks beautiful.. softly lit by the morning sun with varying shades of blue that is lighter at clouds' crossing. on days like this.. i often wish that i am outdoors while enjoying the coolness of an air-conditioned room. it's hard not yearn for my days abroad where both yearnings would be fulfilled even on summers day.. i miss cycling around our neighbourhood in boulogne billancourt. and skate boarding down steeper walkways.. i miss feeling free-spirited..
my mood has obviously changed to shades of melancholy... it's hard not to feel confined here, though there is more freedom here than any other places i've worked... now i ask myself: what actions have i taken to take me closer to my goals of becoming self-employed? at this point, none.. so i shouldn't be hoping for much...
but i have my baby to look forward to.. though i'm not enjoying the thought of having to go through the birth process... i do so much want a baby and can't wait for it's arrival.. ohh baby.. ur growing bigger by the day.. pretty soon i'll be able to feel your hard kicks tickling my insides. baby.. i live for u..