had lunch in solace.. in front of pc while typing out the last entry, how nice.. not! (eww!! so cliche!).. will be attending the UPM Alumni dinner tonite. not as an alumni. but as father in-law's guest together with hubby, ayu, and fairuz.. it's a coincidence that all 4 of us (including dad in-law, excluding hubby) are UPM graduates. i'm not hoping to meet up with any friends though cuz this batch is old.. though not old enough to be labled as old citizens.
some lecturers i know may even be part of this crowd. i'm dreading to meet any of them cuz i can't even remember which month i graduated! and i'm supposed to be one of the top graduate student for my year!! how utterly embarrassing: ( har har har..:p
my right ear feels itchy.. my stomach was aching..and my mood is about to swing!! yee-ha!
i still have 2 hours and 15 minutes to go before edi picks me up.. nothing much to do.. have to print out exam questions but pc has been disconnected from the printer. now waiting in line to have pc reconnected (i'm not the only one with pc prob).
if i were at home, i could be reading, watching astro, doing my washing and cleaning, chatting with mama.. i could even go visit Dr Jariah for reiki lessons.. all this provided mama or amir's there to accompany me. i could be a house wife with mama and we'd have loads to do!! but very little dosh, ofcourse.. hehehehehe..
i hate staying at home alone. but the presence of a family member/relatives/friends make a whole load of difference. i don't even have to be talking to that person.. i just need the presence to feel safe. being alone especially at night, gives me the creeps! it makes me feel jumpy and extra alert to the point of exhaustion..
i remember the last time i was all alone and an incident happened. it was night time.. the whole family had gone out for dinner and as i did not feel like dressing up, i was left behind. i had started to feel uneasy the minute they left. i hadn't showered so was feeling all icky. figured i would get clean then hit the sack.. but things didn't go as planned. i was washing my hair when the lights suddenly went out and all was pitch black. i nearly screamed, but terror has its way of silencing you. with weak knees and shaking hands, i reached for the towel. it's a good thing i can find my way around the house without vision aids. i tiptoed around the upper floor, feeling my way to the room. managed to get clothes on then searched for the phone. it was the most terrible experince ever.. i had never felt so frightened.. i remember sobbing quietly to myself.. asking how such a thing could happen to me.. i remembered the little fight i had with my mama before they went out.. that must be why.. i thought.. i was a disobedient daughter. and this incident was just a reminder for me..