Friday, February 18, 2005

rain..rain..

It doesn't look like my blog is turning into anything much.. Looks like a serious case of writer's block..or could it just be inferiority complex? most of the time i'm like that. i can't help feeling low when comparing myself to people who are way over the top. guess it's just a personal issue i have to overcome.. easier said than done though. in modern times, everyone expects u to be perfect when in reality noone is. it's not fair.. just because i'm not a natural talker, people lable me as shy, timid, introvert.. well they can say all they want, afterall, i've had my fair share of the spotlight! so take that!!

what a gloomy day.. it's been raining thunderstorms and while away for a meeting i left the window open leaving space for rain water to invade my work station. felt like a cleaning lady mopping up the puddle.

maybe it's the rain that's affecting my mood.. i feel as if, i'm not being respected for being who i am.. it's hard for me to explain.. it's this feeling that i don't have my needs fulfilled and i'm pressured into doing things i'm not comfortable with. i'm having to be someone i'm not..in an evironment that i don't particular feel at ease in.

why can't i just do the things that i love.. it's nothing illegal or anything.. what's wrong with me trying my hand at entrepreneurship? sure the money's not good at the start, but it'll get better and i want more than anything to be my own boss. take charge of things my way.. am i not good enough? is it too much of a risk for someone like me? i thought trying and failing is tonnes better than failing to try..

sometimes when i ask myself these questions, i feel ungrateful.. ungrateful for all the good that's being bestowed upon me.. i ponder on why i just can't accept things being the way they are.. this is my life..and more than anything, i should be in control of it. i don't hate anyone for trying to determine what's best for me.. sometimes they are right.. and i could use the advice.. sometimes, i just want to make my own decisions..follow my heart and instincts.. i should be so lucky..

4 comments:

xtopak said...

...wouldn't it be great to be able do all the things tht u love!?.. *sigh*.. too bad the things tht i love cuma perabihkan duit.. :))

azrina said...

hehehe.. maybe u can become a 'Personal Shopper'..y'know, like the character rebecca (becky) in the shopaholic series;) i'd definitely love that!

Anonymous said...

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azrina said...

my pleasure anonymous! BTW.. info on rods?