Friday, August 10, 2012

Still Wannabe a WAHM

This is one personal blog that I shall be coming back to now and again. For some reason, I cannot bear to part with it. Because this is me, who I really am. Not the one-track minded writer I try to be on our EdiRina blog, blogging about one topic only. I can't possibly do just that because I just want to be and desire for so many things.

I have so many thoughts consuming right now. The thought of not being understood, of having my dream of becoming a WAHM which I know is so within my reach being crushed because I just can't make them understand how important that goal is to me. I have put in my effort alright. I have decided, that if I have to keep being the primary income earner during my trial as a WAHM then I'm gonna have to find a source of income. So what more am I good at then work that requires writing, editting and translating. So I've decided to try my luck at translating. I'm currently half way through my Diploma in Translation programme (regardless of how boring it is..I just can't seem to click with my classmates and lecturers). I hope to become a certified translator by the end of this year and be able to take up jobs.

However, 2 major events will take place at the end of this year and early next year. The first is that I'll be birthing my twins late December. The second is, my son Hariz will start standard 1 in January 2013. And I am so not looking forward to sending him to public school. However, I don't have much choice as I can't yet afford to send him to a private school either and most of the affordable private schools already have full enrolment. Also my hopes to homeschool him never materialised. Me trying to do everything myself again, because others are so unsupportive.

With the excitement of the twins arrival, also comes great responsibilities. I can't help but feel a heavy weight on my shoulder. Who'll send Hariz to school? Will I be able to divide my time well enough to be able to take up translation jobs? Where do I stay during my confinement period? If I choose to stay at my parents' place, will I be a burden to them since my brother's family is already staying with them? If only I can muster enough strength to be a super mum and be able to send Hariz to school while still in confinement, I wouldn't have to trouble anyone else. So that is my dilema... Me who has a permanent stable job with steady income but can no longer stand doing all this 8-5 and am yearning for a break so have decided to take 5 years unpaid leave which is a privilege given to mothers who want to focus on raising their children (this privilege is only given after maternity leave). Maybe the employer should have thought of an allowance which came with this leave so that we wouldn't be behind financially and be less able to raise healthy, happy children. But I suppose they thought that the husband would be able settle the fincance part. Sadly not in my case, for hubby still needs confidence to develop his business. So that just leaves me to fend for the family.

I just need an idea, that one good income earning idea which will allow me to eventually earn passive income to sustain our living. I feel, I should write a book. But what do I know that can be shared and be of benefit to others? I only have my childhood tales of my life as a diplomat's daughter. Or I could share about the hardship faced by working mothers in a high-flying career juggling duties both at home and at work. Or... I'm thinking and it's not coming to me. Maybe a kindred spirit out there who happen to chance upon my blog can help me...please?

Meanwhile, I shall continue putting my trust in Allah the Al-Mighty and believe that my prayers for a smooth journey and a worthy solution would be answered. God-willing, amin..

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